art is hard

Y'all. 

Hollywood doesn't understand me. 
yet.
Which I don't understand. 
But I know that Hollywood doesn't understand me. YET. 
Yet is the most powerful word. 
Art is just organized vomit.
My path isn't traditional. 
I know I'm touchy-feely, sensitive af, have a whole lotta fun and wanna be in the flow. 
I've had agents and managers tell me that they believe in me but they don't know what to do with me. They don't know where I go. 
Sometimes this leaves me feeling like: "oh fuck. I have no idea who I am." 
Sometimes this makes me delete Instagram off my phone.
Sometimes this makes me do 15 meditations, a dharma course, and google-through of coaches to hire to help me figure out where I go. 
It's like I forget that I've built so much in this state of the flow. 
On my own, and with people who do understand me. 
And in this time of INFORMATION OVERLOAD:
i mean like serious overload: like the power of a freaking 4 inch box (im talking about cellphones) is DAUNTING.
there's so much noise. so much to pay attention to. 
SO MUCH. 
So I'm grateful you're here reading this. 
I need to remain grateful for the platform I do have. 
And stop comparing myself to Awkwafina. Not that we are the same: but I can't shut down that I haven't gotten THERE yet. Whatever THERE is. I hate that I have a measurement of THERE. As opposed to feeling so happy for EVERYTHING I've been able to do. EVERYTHING. 
And be happy that Awkwafina has the platform she has. 
Because when I think about all the art I've gotten to make. 
All the art I've gotten paid for and will continue to be paid for: I'm making it. I'm doing it. I am living the dream. Even if Hollywood doesn't know what to do with me or know who I am yet. 
I received some brutal news which I open up about on my Patreon (please join it if you want to support me in this very specific journey). 
Hollywood doesn't know what to do with me, but that doesn't mean I don't know what to do. I need to remember that. 
Honor the blank page. 
Honor that I create worlds people don't know about yet and once they step in them, everything will make sense.