Mascara

sometimes i feel that they do not make strong enough mascara for me to cry and and not have it run and burn my eyes. 

sometimes i feel that i have to make the choice between wearing mascara and not. 
 
sometimes i know that on days i wear mascara, i know that i will stifle the tears that readily come. 

sometimes i make the choice between crying and making a mess, or holding it together and not letting my mascara run. 

sometimes i don't wear mascara
on those days that i know that i will be crying, scratching, rubbing, itching, sweating.

sometimes i wear mascara 
on those days i want to stare a person in the eyes and let them know im strong. 

sometimes i wish my eyes could always look like they have mascara on. 

sometimes i wonder how mascara ever entered into my life. 

i remember that it was probably an old expired tube i found of my mother's, tucked far deep into a bathroom drawer. 

the bathroom drawer full to the brim and difficult to open.