Wow Am I Writing Here Out of Desperation.

I need a corner that is mine

Where the truth

MATTERS.

Where MY TRUTH

MATTERS.

Somehow

I feel like

IT JUST STOPPED FUCKING MATTERING.

AND IT'S JUST DRIVING ME FUCKING INSANE.

I just threw my travel foam roller across the room

to let out some steam

I can't do anymore YOGA.

AND I CAN'T DO ANOTHER WORLD PEACE FUCKING MEDITATION.

I'M GOING TO RAGE-FUCK WITH MY WORDS AND NOT BE AFRAID OF WHAT ANYONE THINKS ABOUT IT.

AND IT'S GOING TO BE THE LAW OF ATTRACTION.

IT'S GOING TO ATTRACT THE BEASTLY SHIT THAT'S MEANT FOR ME.

THE STEPHANIE FOO.

THE CPTSD.

THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH IT.

WHO HAVE SEEN THE THINGS I HAVE SEEN.

BECAUSE I HAVE SEEN SOME SHIT.

BECAUSE MY PARENTS HAVE SEEN SOME SHIT.

BECAUSE MY BODY HAS KNOWN THE GREATEST FUCKING DELIGHT BEYOND BEYOND BEYOND
AND ALSO THE GREATEST DEPTHS OF HELL
AND KNOWS HOW TO HOLD COMPASSION FOR THE BADDEST BITCHES AND THE HARDEST FUCKING WHORES AND I WILL ALWAYS KNOW HOW TO TAKE THEM IN.
AND WHITEBREAD THEATRE: HAS WRONGED MY ASS SO MANY TIMES AND SILENCED MY RAGING FUCKING NIPPLES. AND I THINK THAT'S WHY IT FEELS SO GOOD TO WRITE IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS.

I WRITE THIS TO VALIDATE YOUR GRIEF, YOUR ANGER, EVERYTHING THAT IT COST YOU AND YOUR PARENTS, AND YOUR GRANDPARENTS TO BRING YOU HERE TO THIS DAY. EVERY TEAR, EVERY FIGHT: TO NAVIGATE THIS AMERICA. FOR YOU TO THRIVE AND EXPRESS YOURSELF. BECAUSE THAT SHADOW WORK IS GOING INTO THE CHARACTERS YOU ARE PLAYING ANYWAY. I AM NOT SAYING ANYTHING THAT ISN'T EXISTING ANYWAY.

I DON'T KNOW WHO WILL EVEN FIND THIS.

I HOPE WHOEVER DOES. IF YOU DO -- AT 3AM. I HOPE IT COMFORTS YOU.

I HOPE IT COMFORTS YOU IN YOUR DARK HOUR.

SO THAT YOU CAN SHIFT INTO YOUR SHINE WITHOUT THE WEIGHT OF HIDING SO MUCH BULLSHIT.

so my prayer today is:
dear dog,
i'm not fixing that typo: i meant to say "god" - but i typed "dog"
may this attract what is meant for me:
the truth that is meant for me
so i can use my light
attract the truth of ourselves to each other.
the real truth.
not the bullshit truth.
that is my prayer.
for my mother.
for my father who i fell in love once he passed.

love,
"Zaza" Diana Oh 

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