Oh My God for Everyone watching the "W Magazine" Interviews and Feeling Gnarly

You aren't alone. 

You are not too Unhot too Handle. 

And I promise you are going to be okay. 

Because the world/society/the internet/our devices/instant satisfaction/gratification/the way things are would make you think that: if you aren't perfectly set out right now and pathful AF and thinking all the right things that you are going to be screwed for forever and that just isn't the case. Every single one of these Actors has had a bad day. And every single single one of these Actors has had a phenomenal day. And gradations of days in between. 

"What's Next" is Universal.  
Universal Feelings of Survival Chemicals. 
Universal Feelings of Rejection Chemicals. 
Universal Feelings of Abandonment Chemicals. 
Universal Feelings of Build-Me-Up Chemicals. 
Universal Feelings of Losing/Winning/Having to Ride the Wave Chemicals 
Universal Feelings of Getting through the Ages of 0-18 Chemicals 

Artistry costs so much Depth and Vulnerability - it's a special offering being made. 

What I love about watching Drew Barrymore losing her absolute fucking shit with Cynthia Erivo is how Cynthia can be The Mushroom. And it moves me to my core. For deep layers of reasons. Which I open about to my Patreon Patrons. That I don't open up here. 

I'm going to be okay because I know that it is only ever fear that stands in the way of anything. And there are so many ways to overcome fear. I mean I can literally google it and find answers on Linked In that are helpful and inspiring. The advice I have: It's all about starting. One thing. One. Thing. And then the next. And then the next after that. And writing. Here. And in my Sacred Corner. I can't say enough about how having that Reserved Parking Spot saved my life when morale was so low: how it was a small group of people that had my back, a small circle, a small family. And it is always going to be a Small Group of People that has your back. Because Demons exist within everyone - no one outruns theirs. We all have to make friends with them and find Purpose. 

The incredible Set Designer I am working with in the rehearsal room shared something so moving with me that I needed to hear - she was a mirror today. She mentioned that she could only imagine how much my body and my spirit had expended in my earlier work with my Street Installations and {my lingerie play} from what she had read in the papers. It made me feel: 1) Seasoned (Ageless is My Gender). 2) Seen. 3) appreciated. 4) I also felt...well if I'm being really honest, a part of me: wished that someone then handed me like A LOT OF MONEY AND A HUGE THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE YOU GET SOMETHING EVERY YEAR NOW and then 5) A part of me feels super duper bad for writing that down here "in public" AND THEN 6) A PART OF ME FEELS LIKE I'M GOING TO LOSE EVERYTHING LIKE AS IN MY HOUSING AND BED AND LIKE LAPTOP CELL PHONE EVERYTHING FOR NOT BEING SIMPLY GRATEFUL FOR EVERYTHING THAT I DO HAVE AND HAVE EXPERIENCED 7) a part of me feels incredible relief for writing it down here. 

I know I tilled to real soil in everything I've ever made. 

I wish there were better systems set up for Theatre Artists who contribute so much to the Landscape. I think I'm part of the Paradigm Shift and how we take care of the Landscapers and the Architects. I think I'm an Architect. I feel the faith. 

​If you're here, you may have seen my work on stage or on screen or in the streets. You can Venmo Tip me for My Labor at @ohyeadiana or Join My Underground Corner on Patreon. The Support is Greatly Appreciated!