Is This Mattering to Anyone?

Is this writing reaching anyone? Is it mattering?
We are nearing the 2024 Wrap-Up.
Most definitely the most challenging year I personally have had.
And on the positive side: thanks to one of my incredibly funny friends who is an Actor: I came out Hot. I came out Hotter. I came out with PTSD bod.
Which for a Career in the Performing Arts fares: WELL!
I'm afraid of going outside and I'm afraid of sending emails but: I look like I go to Yoga and I look like I have a Personal Trainer. I look like I am preparing for a Role in an upcoming Action Film. When people run into me: "I Look Great."

Fuck sharing only the light sides of ourselves. Especially as Femmes. It's exhausting. I'm exhausted. I'm so liberated by getting this gunk out. Kathleen Hanna you fucking miracle worker.

My friend took me to a Queer, Non-Binary Bookstore and I felt immediate relief and release. It was like a Somatic Workout just entering its doors. No. More. Code-Switching. It was like the Queer Teddy Bear could come out. The Inner Child could finally catch a break from the Punctured, Mangled Thing Holding It Together. And that Inner Child bought stickers and sat on the floor and felt fucking safe to read their words out loud.

Queer the World.

Just Queer the Fucking World.

Protect Vulnerability.

Artists are Necessary.

I survived trying to take myself out.

They teach my work in Universities and Educational Settings but Artists like me don't get Royalties: OH MY GOD I WISH WE DID. If each Teacher or Student or Board Member of a Theatre Company that used my image to raise money for their Theatre Company gave 1.00 a month to my Patreon, I'd feel so held as an Artist. Not until we hit it "big" in the machine do things start to make sense for us financially. I enjoy my deeply random SAG-AFTRA Royalties from How to Be Single. The cognitive dissonance is surreal: feeling randomly emotionally supported as an Artist and also so distant from my actual audience especially now that I am off social media.

Soft Artists are useful. I trust it. I do.

​If you're here, you may have seen my work on stage or on screen or in the streets. You can Venmo Tip me for My Labor at @ohyeadiana or Join My Underground Corner on Patreon. The Support is Greatly Appreciated! ​
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