I definitely feel closer to Shovels. And Shovels is awesome. Shovels is so awesome. I can't believe Shovels is real. Seriously? This dog is Real? I certainly feel closer to my dog. (Sometimes I feel like "dog" does not do justice to what Shovels is tbh...) He's sitting on my lap right now. With his all fours facing the computer screen. What's that? That's a Mythical BearDragonCartoonGalaxy. (I'm done for if he passes. If. That's if he passes. I don't know if he's capable of death.) I feel like Shovels was birthed from my Heart. So I feel closer to Shovels. But further away from the truckloads of people I was constantly "talking" to at all times. And the contrast is: a very: "hello, anyone out there?" feeling which makes me feel lucky for having a social job when I'm chosen. It's magical to be chosen. As an Artist. For your Talent. For your Ways of Communicating in the World. For your Ways of Showing Up. For all the Trauma I survived slash all the things that shaped me and turned me into the Mythical Resilient Human I am! That's what Shovels and I have in common! I don't think I will ever meet a Korean-American Person who does not have a comedic/historically accurate relationship with Surviving their own Blade. Because their own Blade is their Mother's Blade. And their Mother's Blade is their Mother's Blade. Korean Parents are some irresponsible mother f*ckers and we are paying some high taxes. I thought I'd be sutured up. No leaky wounds ever, but maybe nobody is leak-free. Even the people I envy for being so put together at all times: they're so leaky. SO I just walk around with a Grace Sandwich and chomp on it. And Pass it Around. And there we have it: a spinning world of people drowning in feeling inadequate at all times. All that masking. I went to a Buddhist Monastery once - when I was in the height of a PDST Suicide-Ideating Body Shaking Didn't Know What The Hell Was Going On With Me Night of Terror and the Monk on Duty talked to me about Life Simply Being A Lot: it's beautiful, it's dangerous, it's ugly, it's amazing, it's terrible. And that's Life. And I felt like fuck: this is it - I am at a literal site of Nirvana and this Monk is telling me that it won't get better. If I didn't feel safe, would I have maybe ended it then? It's always Safety that pulls me back to Shore. And if there's anything that 2024 did to me, and to a lot of people: is it made a lot of people feel unsafe. Things happened in 2024 that traumatized people. It took safety away from my once Joyful Space in my Chest. It did that to people. And I'm still learning to go outside again. What helps is The Calling. Creative Practice is Creative Practice. Recognizing Creativity in Others and following their Flow State is Flow State. Music is Music. Acting is Acting. Writing is Writing. Misery is Misery. Inauthenticity is Inauthenticity. Enjoyment is Enjoyment. Vulnerability is Vulnerability. 2024 hurt. I'm not over it. It hurts a lot. I'm doing all the things Science is telling me to do to get over it. I can still be talented and blah blah blah and still be really fuckin' sad and HURT. For anyone else who is not over how much 2024 Nosferatu'ed their Ass, I f*cking see you. And I'm really f*cking sorry. Stay Alive, 2025 -- who knows maybe even ARRIVE, 2025! COME ALIVE, 2025! STRIVE, 2025! CHOOSE, 2025! DO, 2025! JUST DO, 2025! YOU'RE F*CKING AWESOME. Don't let the Industry of Toxic Wellness Positivity Get You Down. I tend to the Underground so people can thrive. Support my Sacred Corner or be Guided by Your Dope North Star.
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Diana Oh "Zaza D"
This is a Space Where I Save My Own Damn Life (and maybe even someone else's). All Parts are Welcome, bb. Archives
February 2025
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